back in fashion

i went to makati this afternoon to get my transcripts. i haven't gone there in a very long time. i wasn't expecting to see anyone really. maybe just ms. colleen and ms. elsa. but to my surprise, sir gerry and sir danilo was there and even daniella.

sir gerry was really surprised when i told him of my plans. and honestly, i felt like i was putting him down somehow. but i really can't do fashion anymore. i LOVE fashion... who doesn't? and i LOVE creating. but that's it. the thing is, i love so many things and i want to do so many things. but i have to be practical and realistic somehow (as practical and realistic i could get... which is really still a bit absurd) and deep down, i'm really certain that this is right. it feels right. i haven't had this peace of mind since... high school.

makati... brings back the days. it was two years of my life. two years that flew by so fast. i met a lot of great people. but right now, everyone has gone their seperate ways. the only people i occassionally get to talk to now is happy, olive or venus. the others... nil. everything else has become fuzzy.

i remember scrimping back then because makati was expensive. i'd buy a donut from 7-11 or if i'm in the mood, a wasabi crab sandwich from oliver's. sometimes, when my classmates would be dining in greenbelt, i'd order from the appetizers of the menu. usually it's just soup. i remember the 30-minute walks from greenbelt to school during breaks when i needed to buy stuff from natio or fabric warehouse because taxi was too pricey.

first day of school ever, i was surprised that we were only 6. eventually, only 2 of us remained in the original batch--jendie and me. i remember everyone being so dressed up and i felt a little out of place and intimidated. i was really really shy then. the upperclassmen--maita's and finina's batch--looked like they stepped out from the wardrobe of "sex and the city". even my classmates were so... posh. i had on a plain loose white shirt, green cargo pants and slippers. the only "designers" i knew then were louis vuitton and christian dior (and they aren't even living designers).

i changed a lot in that school. it's like a "metamorphosis" in some way. i admired how everyone there carried themselves with charm and confidence and i slowly tried to interact with people a bit more. i learned a lot about dressing up. (i used to like dressing up differently even before but i learned the difference between tacky and stylish.) everyone was so well-travelled and talented. i got a taste of parties and celebrities and working behind the scenes. that's why i can't say that i truly regretted transferring. sure i do a little. i missed out on some great college experience. but you can't have it all as they say. and i don't think i'd be where i am right now if i didn't.

everything that happened had to happen. i think i'd be so much lesser than i am now if i didn't go through it. i'm not saying what i did was so much better than getting an actual degree (otherwise, i wouldn't be planning to get one now), it's just that for me personally, i needed to experience that.

hk/macau

my hongkong and macau trip was amazing. it's like all my senses were heightened. i knew that this would be the last family trip i would be having with my family for a very long time so i tried to soak in and make the most out of the experience.

i don't want to start writing about the whole trip. so much to say, don't know where to begin. i think i'll just let the pictures speak for themselves. i'll be uploading pics on my multiply soon. we camwhored to death so basically everything is captured on digicam.

i would definitely miss hongkong. until a few years ago when my mom "discovered" bangkok and its cheaper shopping experience, never has a year passed when we haven't gone to the place at least once. i still have one more bangkok trip in december so i don't have to miss it until then.

as for hongkong, i've counted down the top 10 things i'll miss:

10. the ferry

9. park lane and kimberley hotel

8. walking through the busy, busy streets

7. and chinese pop songs everywhere you go

6. its uber-fashionable denizens

5. authentic ajisen ramen with lots and lots of garlic

4. the easy-access subways

3. yaya cory (my yaya--the twin of our other current yaya--who took care of us when we were kids but became an ofw in hongkong. we never fail to contact her to come visit us when we're there. unfortunately, she just changed bosses and we haven't heard from her yet.)

2. the SHOPPING! or more specifically, granville road in tsim sha tsui

and the number one reason why i know i'll be coming back for more:

1. the BESTEST BEST ice cream in the whole wide world! my absolute favorite combination: lychee, coconut and chocolate balls.

(pic taken from last january's trip)

found only at the 2nd floor of the island beverly place in causeway bay (in front of sogo)

the best chocolate cake ever

i'm cleaning out my closet right now and sorting out which to bring and which to leave. it's hard to decide... there are just some things you can't let go off, despite that you haven't worn or used them in years.

my family had lunch at the block today and discovered the most sinful chocolate cake i've ever tasted. i'm not even that much of a chocolate cake fan, but one bite of this... oooomph! dee-licious! it's from this little restaurant called "the illustrado" beside burgoo. it was a chocolate decandent cheesecake.

bada bing bada boom!

yesterday, at the cemetary, my cousin told me that his girlfriend in ICA studied a past article of mine for 2bu!. he didn't say anything more about it, like for what subject and what they did with it but it warmed the heart knowing that what i wrote before wasn't just mashed up into recycled paper or sandwich bags.

today, we went to the other cemetary early in the morning and then to a kiddie birthday party at the esplanade. it was so traffic, we almost missed it. we had to eat the cold leftovers from the buffet trays and the waiters had to wash some plates because there weren't any left.

ahh family reunions! the party was for the son of my dad's cousin, which meant meeting up with my uber-chinese father-side relatives. which usually meant that if they found out you were still single after your debut, you were fresh meat.

my great-aunt wasn't even subtle. she pulled this guy to our table, and, after exchanging names, she blatantly told me, "o, bigay mo sa kanya number mo! mabait siya, parang anak ko na rin siya."

i was stunned. i ended up giving both of them a pained "oh-my-god-this-is-so-awkward-i-want-to-bury-my-head-in-the-sand-like-an-ostrich" grin.

i think the guy was as shocked and as unprepared for it as i was. i tried to keep it as light as possible by trying casual conversation but it was hard because my great-aunt kept insisting i give him my number--like every 5 seconds. (isn't it supposed to be vise versa?)

the good part is, i saw sam again! she's my adorable little seven or eight-year old distant relative that reminds me of abigail breslin. i first saw her at the airport in hong kong a few months ago. she was thrilled we shared the same name. i was too. then, i found out from her mom that she heads straight to the bookstore instead of toy stores when they're in malls. and that she's shy around people, but once she warms up to you, she will talk nonstop. i loved her already! she's just like me!

anyway... after the party, we checked out our sales in glorietta. the air near g2 still reeked a bit of burning rubber. the whole place was boarded up with white walls. it's like they're renovating a store. it's really sad when you think about all the innocent, unsuspecting lives that were lost because of *ahem* someone's selfish need for a news diversion.

my mom bought a pink angel halo from sm. we plan to wear costume on the 31st while we're at macau. my sister is going to be a vampire. i'm still deciding on being a japanese samurai girl or a blue "playboy" bunny. (or both, like my friend karl suggested. i don't think so it's a bit porn-ish already.) we got into trying out the halloween head gears and did a lot of camwhoring. after makati, we went to landmark, trinoma and then dinner at red crab. i always wear the bibs at crab restaurants since i don't want to spill anything but my mom found it strangely funny because i don't even eat the crab.

so there, long day, long entry. i'm too late to start packing now. will cram tomorrow.

so much to do, so little time

long, tiring day today. i don't want to go into details anymore. the thought of re-running what i did today just makes me even more tired.

my mom and i discussed things with my grandma this afternoon. turns out that she and my uncle were going to visit my other uncle in new york from the 15th-20th so i'll have the house in cali for my own then.

anyway, i kind of wanted to go to new york since i could probably finish the school stuff in a day or two (which i'll be working on immediately after i land on the 11th) but of course, that's already way too much to ask. i'll probably just spend those days in "my" room and arrange/redecorate it so that at least it'll be a little more warm and welcoming come january.

i still have a long way down my to-do list besides fixing all the paperworks. these include:

- learning to cook
- learning basic car repair stuff (let's face it, i wouldn't have a driver checking everything up in the morning there.)
- making a list of EVERYTHING i use everyday from contact lens cleaners to nailcutters to dental floss. every single detail that we wouldn't usually notice because they're always just there. i don't want to miss anything out.
- having an eye check-up
- having a dental check-up and getting new retainers while i'm at it
- packing (which i don't know where to begin with. i'm basically going to squeeze in my entire life in around 4 baggages--2 of which i'll already be leaving there in november--and since i have tons of stuff--heck, my books alone already amount to more than a hundred--i have to choose which to bring and which to leave. my heart aches at the thought of not having my bookshelf with me there, among others.)
- spend some time with as much people as i could manage while i'm here. and returning and retrieving borrowed stuff

... and really, so much more. there's a lot of other little trivial things that i don't have to mention. in a way, it's good i'm going to be preoccupied. it keeps my mind of the fact that i'll actually be leaving the only bubble i've lived in, loved, and grown accustomed to ever since. i don't want to be sad. there'll be plenty of time for that in the future.

hit self-destruct button now

i've been staring at the screen for the longest time now, trying to control all the tears and fears that are threatening to erupt any moment.

silly silly me.

can i seriously do it?

SERIOUSLY?

you know how it is when you want something so badly, when you finally allowed yourself to risk everything and just go for it once and for all? the kind where you either make or break it? the kind where failing is not even an option and you have no plan b or safety net anymore?

i haven't even begun and yet...

i am just. so. scared. of failing. i was so incredibly happy and now, it all just crumbled down. i still want to. almost desperately. because this is it. i know it. i feel it. i'm more sure than i ever did at anything, which is really really something because i'm very undecisive. i've had enough of being undecisive.

i'm gonna clam up from now on. i feel like i'm going to explode.

taking the plunge

i went with my parents to trinoma this afternoon to fix our module display for the pre-opening dry run of landmark. i proudly fixed the jeans display so that you could see the pockets' design from both sides. it's hard to explain with words. anyway, the mall looks great. colorful. the walls look like they're splashed with each brands' personal "grafitti wallpaper".

we ate at zong afterwards. my hot & sour soup had a cockroach in it. i lost my appetite. they didn't even give us a free anything or a discount. i don't think we'll be going back again. at least i was able to eat a bit at angel's birthday dinner after though.

it was so nice to be able to catch up with some high school friends and again. they were, as everyone else would be of course, initially surprised when i told them about my career plans but they said they were really happy and excited for me. aids said that she wasn't that surprised though because she remembered back in high school, i was talking and planning about it. i guess what scared me about pursuing it was because i was afraid of the longtime commitment so i shifted my focus to something i enjoy doing--the artsy creative stuff. still, even if i love fashion and writing very much, it really is just a hobby for me and not a career path.

it's also that people kept saying how the 20's are supposed to be the "peak of our lives" and i wanted to do so much--to pursue my dreams, travel, and conquer the world during that era. but now that i have a lot of free time in my hands, i'm realizing that i don't know what to do and it's not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, like i used to think.

i'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst. it's going to be seriously tough but a lot of people i've talked to about this have been very encouraging, especially my cousins who're going through the same thing. just hard work and time management. they said they could see me going through that in the first place... but i have no regrets. everything that happened in the past happened for a reason. i didn't waste my time learning fashion, after all, no knowledge is wasted. and who knows? it might be of use someday. i know i was definitely able to help my parents with the business for a while.

i'm really happy now with my decision. and scared. it's like i'm in a constant adrenaline rush... or that i'm overdosed with caffeine everyday. my feelings are exactly depicted in lifehouse's song:

"Looking at you, holding my breath

For once in my life, I'm scared to death

I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the scar, under my skin

Like being in love, she says, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time"

it hit me that if you combine all the days that i'm actually going to be here in the country before THE day, it's going to amount to barely over a month. let's see: next week, we'll be going to macau/hk, then i'll be staying around 5 days here before i leave for the cali for two weeks to fix the paperworks. then, i'll have around another two weeks here again before i leave for bangkok. after around 2-3 weeks, i'll be off.

that barely leaves me time to be sentimental. i'm betting it'll be like a whirlwind and i wouldn't know what hit me until i'm actually there. which is good! because i don't deal well with goodbyes. i don't even want a despidida, like my barkada suggested. no way. it makes a big deal out of things. i'd rather just think of it as going off on vacation for a long time.