hit self-destruct button now

i've been staring at the screen for the longest time now, trying to control all the tears and fears that are threatening to erupt any moment.

silly silly me.

can i seriously do it?

SERIOUSLY?

you know how it is when you want something so badly, when you finally allowed yourself to risk everything and just go for it once and for all? the kind where you either make or break it? the kind where failing is not even an option and you have no plan b or safety net anymore?

i haven't even begun and yet...

i am just. so. scared. of failing. i was so incredibly happy and now, it all just crumbled down. i still want to. almost desperately. because this is it. i know it. i feel it. i'm more sure than i ever did at anything, which is really really something because i'm very undecisive. i've had enough of being undecisive.

i'm gonna clam up from now on. i feel like i'm going to explode.