taking the plunge

i went with my parents to trinoma this afternoon to fix our module display for the pre-opening dry run of landmark. i proudly fixed the jeans display so that you could see the pockets' design from both sides. it's hard to explain with words. anyway, the mall looks great. colorful. the walls look like they're splashed with each brands' personal "grafitti wallpaper".

we ate at zong afterwards. my hot & sour soup had a cockroach in it. i lost my appetite. they didn't even give us a free anything or a discount. i don't think we'll be going back again. at least i was able to eat a bit at angel's birthday dinner after though.

it was so nice to be able to catch up with some high school friends and again. they were, as everyone else would be of course, initially surprised when i told them about my career plans but they said they were really happy and excited for me. aids said that she wasn't that surprised though because she remembered back in high school, i was talking and planning about it. i guess what scared me about pursuing it was because i was afraid of the longtime commitment so i shifted my focus to something i enjoy doing--the artsy creative stuff. still, even if i love fashion and writing very much, it really is just a hobby for me and not a career path.

it's also that people kept saying how the 20's are supposed to be the "peak of our lives" and i wanted to do so much--to pursue my dreams, travel, and conquer the world during that era. but now that i have a lot of free time in my hands, i'm realizing that i don't know what to do and it's not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, like i used to think.

i'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst. it's going to be seriously tough but a lot of people i've talked to about this have been very encouraging, especially my cousins who're going through the same thing. just hard work and time management. they said they could see me going through that in the first place... but i have no regrets. everything that happened in the past happened for a reason. i didn't waste my time learning fashion, after all, no knowledge is wasted. and who knows? it might be of use someday. i know i was definitely able to help my parents with the business for a while.

i'm really happy now with my decision. and scared. it's like i'm in a constant adrenaline rush... or that i'm overdosed with caffeine everyday. my feelings are exactly depicted in lifehouse's song:

"Looking at you, holding my breath

For once in my life, I'm scared to death

I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the scar, under my skin

Like being in love, she says, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time"

it hit me that if you combine all the days that i'm actually going to be here in the country before THE day, it's going to amount to barely over a month. let's see: next week, we'll be going to macau/hk, then i'll be staying around 5 days here before i leave for the cali for two weeks to fix the paperworks. then, i'll have around another two weeks here again before i leave for bangkok. after around 2-3 weeks, i'll be off.

that barely leaves me time to be sentimental. i'm betting it'll be like a whirlwind and i wouldn't know what hit me until i'm actually there. which is good! because i don't deal well with goodbyes. i don't even want a despidida, like my barkada suggested. no way. it makes a big deal out of things. i'd rather just think of it as going off on vacation for a long time.