at my wit's end

who would've thought that the girl with the plan--the very same girl who left a great 4-year institution based on idealism and to "conquer the world before turning 25"--is now stuck with a mind that is "all over the place"?

i do not know what to do.

okay. so maybe that's not exactly true. there are two sure things i want to do: get away from here and start college all over again. that's it. nothing specific. it's my non-plan plan. figured that i'll just find things out once i'm away from here. unfortunately, it doesn't work that way with parents. if i'm going to leave, i have to present to them a fool-proof future plan. which i'm seriously working on for the past few days. it's so wrong. how could you create a plan for the rest of your life in just a week or so? then again, i've been like this for a year now so i can't have excuses anymore.

when the last of my nylon subscription arrived yesterday, i grew all giddy and immediately pounced on it like someone who hasn't eaten in months and is now presented with a splendid buffet. i thought at that moment, maybe i'll be saved. maybe there is hope for me and fashion after all.

but browsing through it, i just realized that i didn't care. i didn't care about cover girl cory kennedy and what she does in her life. i don't care that there's a new interesting boutique in nyc. i don't care to see what the artsy indie people are wearing... if all else failed, whenever i felt like giving up on fashion, nylon magazines always uplifts my spirits and makes me want to do great things, to be part of it, to work towards a goal in the fashion/writing industry.

now, it's just... empty.