a giant leap

lately, i've been having bipolar tendencies. i could be extremely up and excited in the morning and then down in the dumps in the afternoon. it's like the weather. it's freaky.

i'm scared of losing this newfound enthusiasm i have on life again. i haven't even thought about the cons yet and i've already reached a decision. sometimes, those doubts and fears start to creep in and it scares me. i hope it doesn't paralyze me.

that's why it has to be on january. not may, not september. may is more practical, but i have to do it asap before i lose my nerve. i don't want to have any more reason to stay, and the longer it is, the harder it gets. it might be easier after christmas and new year so i'll still be high from the holidays.

maybe i'm being impractical and undecided, but i'd rather gamble the next five years "soul-searching" than be practical now and spend the rest of my life feeling unfulfilled.